This Thanksgiving I wanted to take a moment and say thank you to everyone who comes to visit The Sunnysideup.  So far, it has been an incredible learning experience and journey. The best part? That I get to meet some of you along the way. Your comments, emails and words of encouragement via Twitter and Facebook are a huge bright spot on my blogging experience. 

Some of you are fellow bloggers, embarking on the journey with me.  Others, are people who know and love me and support me. Still others, are complete strangers who graciously take the time to stop by. Thank you. I hope to continue to grow this little ole' blog into a community of friends and I look forward to meeting some of you along the way. I keep writing because I love it. But, it sure makes a difference when I can share this journey with all of you.  Cheers! 

Happy Thanksgiving! 

What are you thankful for this year? 

“I realize that it isn’t very fashionable to talk about some things as being holy; nevertheless, if we ever want to rid ourselves of personal and corporate emptiness, brokenness, loneliness and fear, we will have to allow ourselves room for that which we cannot see, hear, touch or control.” - From the book,  Life’s Journeys According to Mister Rogers

I discovered this article written by Tom Junod via Twitter.  I wasn’t sure what to expect when I began reading.  Mr. Rogers? Hero? Sounds interesting. I dug into the long read.

Prior to reading this article, Mr. Rogers didn’t mean all that much to me. To me, he was a far off childhood TV personality, one that lost my attention to Fraggle Rock and the Muppets, which were more exciting shows in my misshapen mind.  My opinion, however, has changed.  

More than that, this article has inspired me to pause for a moment, a rare occasion in itself, and ponder the simplicity of a guided life. I am touched by, dare I say, the holiness of Mr. Rogers.

Here is an excerpt from Junod’s article:

                      “What is grace? He doesn’t even know. He can’t define it. This is a man who loves the simplifying force 
                        of definitions, and yet all he knows of grace is how he gets it, all he knows is that he gets it from God 
                        through man.”

This quote and much of the article moved me to think deeply on the subject of grace.  As I get older, I find that I crave the inner peace of a spiritual life. I crave connection to something bigger. I unknowingly seek out grace and wish to give and receive it.  

But what is grace, really? I found several definitions...

                       Grace: favor or goodwill; divine love and protection bestowed freely on people; signals the unmerited operation 
                       of  God in the heart of man
  
In my pursuit of a spiritual life, I find that I occasionally make progress in  my efforts to give freely to others. Most of the time, my efforts  get lost in the buzz of daily life.  My guess is that this is part and parcel of my humanness. I find it difficult to remain spiritually centered in a world that directs my focus elsewhere.  I get caught in the hamster wheel of material things and ego-inflating endeavors, but then I have moments when I am able to experience something else, something divine.

Take for example what happened while I was crafting this blog post. I was at the Barnes & Noble last week when a young girl in her early twenties asked if I could watch her computer while she took a bathroom break. When she returned, I asked her to do the same for me. This was nothing out of the ordinary, just a small, kind gesture from one human being to another. The young girl returned to her studies and I continued scribbling my thoughts on grace onto a legal pad. When I paused in thought, I looked up and saw this on her computer screen…

Any other day, I may have dismissed the uncanny synchronicity.  But on this day, I had to ask myself, “Was this just a coincidence or was I given a divine nod, a teensy whassup from the Man upstairs?"

Grace is offered, I believe, when two human beings truly connect, however brief. I find it often on Wednesdays when I counsel homeless individuals at the Urban Ministry Center in Charlotte. I find it when a man in his fifties asks me, the second person he’s ever asked, to help him read. I find it when a lost soul, walks into my office and unloads about his physically and sexually abusive childhood, when the pain in his eyes translates to tears in mine.

Grace is that moment when I am given a gift, an opportunity to give something; my time, my compassion, my ears to the troubles of another and they, in turn, give me an inexplicable feeling in my soul. To me, that is grace.  It ebbs and flows in my life and I imagine that this is the lifetime struggle for us humans who seek. To stay here, in grace; to remember it, to foster it.

It is when I am reminded, by an article or simple encounter that I can live in grace, like Mr. Rogers did that my desire to harness this feeling is awakened. I want to bottle it up and hang it on a string around my neck so I don’t lose it again.

In 1987, Mr. Rogers accepted his third Emmy Award and asked the audience to remember the people who loved them into being. How amazing is that statement?

Is it possible that my 15 minutes with a homeless and destitute man, temporarily shielded his spirit from the pain that seeped out of him. Did our conversation make him feel like he mattered, that our fleeting moment together was a moment of grace? Did he know that his story gave me a gift? The gift of connection.

I continue to seek out these moments and find that I always return to my innate affinity to connect with people. I want to know their story. I want to learn from those who are different from me and I want to know, too,  that we are all the same; that pain and doubt are part of the human experience, that grace is available to everyone.

It's Day 4 of Sunshine Seven Ways and I bet any money that, if you have followed these suggestions, you are practically glowing by now. I'm feeling pretty darn good myself.  

In fact, I've spent the morning at the YMCA National Prayer Breakfast (representing the Urban Ministry Center) for a massive gathering of people, agencies and organizations  to send up loving thoughts for the Charlotte community. It's no coincidence that today's suggestion fits right in with this morning's activities. 

Suggestion #4: Think Good Thoughts

We've all heard the phrase that "Thoughts become Things." I happen to believe this to be true.  Positive mantras are my way of telling negative thoughts that "We don't like your kind 'round here."  They keep the the negative tape track out of the cassette player and me out of Negative Nancy-land. 

Often, I try to cocoon myself with positive sayings and mantras like this chalkboard wall in my dining room and these stickers which live on my water container. I also like to tape notes  where I can see them on the daily, like my computer screen or bathroom mirror.  I also fancy this little resource which sends notes to my inbox everyday. 

So, on this phenomenal, extraordinary Thursday, I hope you will join me in thinking good thoughts for yourself and all those around you. 

If you're day needs a reset- try starting with this quote from Ernest Holmes who says, "Drop all negative thoughts from the mind. Do not dwell upon adversity, but think plenty into everything. Meditate on the things you are doing as being already done- complete and perfect."  

What are some of your favorite mantras? I'd love to hear from you. 

Remember the Choose Your Own Adventure books? 

You would navigate  through the book, choosing what would happen next. Page 20 would lead you to the edge of a  fiery volcano or  page 22 would send a rescue helicopter. 

Life is kind of like that, except many of us deal with outside pressures (the “shoulds” of society) that can deter us from choosing the adventure we really want. 

A recent phone conversation got me thinking about the choices we make and how happiness is derived or derailed as a result.  

Take my best friend for instance, a 30-year old single woman with a good job that  requires very little office time, a hot Italian boyfriend and a sweet brownstone in Philly.  Prior to that she sold all of her belongings to take a leap of faith and live in Sydney for a year.  Conventional? No. Adventurous? Yes!  

The day we spoke, my friend was feeling uneasy about her place in life.  Her sister, two years younger than she, was giving birth to her first child with her high-school sweetheart and all-American husband.   My friend, although happy for her beloved sister, was questioning her own life choices.  She felt it "should" be different. 

Why? Because she’s the oldest.  The oldest sister gets married first. The oldest sister buys the first home. The oldest sister gives birth to the first adorable grandchild. That’s what “should” be happening.

If you ask me, all those “shoulds” start making one feel very misplaced and unhappy. I had to remind my friend that she was living the life she always wanted.  She’s been afforded the opportunity and courage to travel and live in another country. She has a kickass job which allows her to support herself and she lives in a vibrant city, the real kind where you don’t even need a car to get around.  She IS the quintessential modern woman- a real life Carrie Bradshaw, except her Big is a hot Italian boyfriend.

Although my life is much different, I could totally relate. My whole life, up until now, has revolved around what I thought I “should “be doing.

Where I grew up, it was understood that I “should” graduate high school then, I “should” go to college.  I “should” get my degree in four years and then I “should” get a good job, settle down, buy a house, get a promotion, start a family and live the American dream.  Right?

Well, I did most of that. I was, for a long time, programmed to believe that this common formula (all those things we “should” be doing) was the only path to success, fulfillment and happiness. Until now.

It’s taken me 30 years to realize that what I should be doing is following my heart.  I should be doing what I love. Everyday. No matter what.   

Here’s my new lists of things I “should” be doing:

-          I should stop comparing my life to others.
-          I should quit measuring my own worth based on what others think.
-          I should do what feeds my soul. 
-          I should create my own brand of happiness. 

If that means choosing the road less taken, so be it. If that means climbing the corporate ladder, go for it. Whatever that means for you, do it with your whole heart and listen to that still small voice. It’s trying to tell you something.

When we choose to let go of all the “shoulds” that we carry, we are rewarded with experiences that far surpass anything we could have ever dreamed. When we choose to follow our dreams, we gain courage. We become the person we were meant to be- authentic and true.

I write today to follow my bliss. I have no idea where this road will take me. All I know is that this brings me joy and feeds my soul. Anything after that is gravy.

 

The road to happy living is paved with interesting twists and turns and a healthy dose of honesty. Here's a little bit of my latest. It's raw. To thine own self be true. 

I'm starting to get my elevator pitch down and with more ease. I can now sit tall, look someone in the eye and with confidence tell them why I won't be accepting my recent admission to graduate school. 

"I'm going down the road less taken," I say. 

I vacillate between feeling passionate about my decision and trembling with overwhelming doubt. Even the slightest experience knocks me off kilter. 

Last night I met a woman who, in the 1980's, almost won a Mazda hatchback car but instead won a Mary Kay package on The Price Is Right. No kidding. She showed me the video. 

Today, that same woman lives a privileged life as the National Sales Director of Mary Kay Cosmetics.  She's been privileged to drive 15 pink cadillacs and has been a conversation piece for Bob Barker twice. Once when she was a 21-year old contestant (Bob had brown hair back then) and 12 years later when, a grey-haired Barker referenced her success as a credit to his show. 

This woman and her husband of 36 years took a special liking to me. I was articulate, intellectual and "not your typical server." No offense taken. 

Their story of faith, family and fortune fascinated me. Their kindness signaled a genuine connection, a look into the crystal ball of my own life, maybe.  Just like that I came home, lip trembling, tears welling up- Should I be looking into the Mary Kay Empire? Why did our paths cross? Was God trying to tell me to pursue cosmetics? I was confused.  Am I even supposed to be writing? 

Currently, any stable faith in myself is short-lived. The only thing that restores my shaky house of cards is a loving fiance who reminds me that I love to write, that I've always talked about this sort of thing. But have I? I'm not sure. 

Still, the words "I'm not going to graduate school" come out of my mouth and I am writing. And reading. And reading about writing. And posting. 

Something is stirring. It's terrifying. It's schizophrenic and it feels like something I could get used to. 

Sitting in th bookstore today I think I cried, laughed out loud, thought of three short story ideas and witnessed my future self receiving a spot on The New Yorker's list of 20 Under 40,  all within a 20-minute span. 

Sitting here today I remembered the times I wrote just to write. Traipsing across Europe documenting the sights and smells, making up stories about my server while eating breakfast in Midtown Atlanta, scribbling my coked-up soul on to anything that would hold ink including the refrigerator which, turns out,  soaks up permanent marker surprisingly well. Journaling, reading,writing, thinking. I've done this off and on for years. 

When it comes to writing, I've never consciously turned on the faucet and left it running. I've always been too afraid to flood the house. Too worried about ruining all the things that lived inside.  I'll never be able to replace what's there. Or will I? I'll make too much of a mess. I won't have any place to live. I could lose everything. 

I'm so dramatic. But, it's true. 

I don't know what's going to happen by choosing this path. All I know is that, at this moment,  I'm definitely not going to graduate school. 

I was never one for silence or for sitting still. In fact, it's really hard for me to do both. I've got a loud mouth and I'm constantly jiggling something- my foot, my leg, sometimes my whole self. If I'm not doing that I'm daydreaming (how Aquarius of me), conquering  my to-do lists or biting my cuticles. What I’m saying is that silence or stillness, for that matter, are certainly not my default setting.

However, it has been brought to my attention that meditation is a key component to happy living. So, in my quest for happiness, I have made a commitment to make time for quiet reflection and meditation each morning. This is much easier said than done. Meditation takes discipline, another quality that does not come naturally to me.

I'll be honest. I've only really started taking responsibility for myself about three years ago (yes, I'm 30 years old and yes, three years ago is accurate). I'm a spiritual kindergartner. I'm just a babe in the woods when it comes to this kind of stuff.  Still, I want a meditation practice.

I've read too many books by too many people who lived many, many years ago in separate places of our vast world who all say the same thing: Happiness is an inside job. The key to the Universe is within you. Look inside yourself.

 I began the year journaling my experiences. I also decided I would try to go on some sort of retreat at least once a month, even if just for a day or few hours.  Nothing went as planned. It all went to shit by February.  I have journal entries for three days. That's it.

January 2, 2011
15 min. meditation. Stomach gurgling. Heart rate up due to the two cigarettes I just smoked in rapid succession. My blog name showed up. Gathered some light to set my intentions.
* I do have January 2 to credit for finding my blog name. It's about the small victories, right?

January 3, 2011
Meditated for 24 minutes, 13 of which my mind ran completely amuck. Brief periods of stillness. Am I trying too hard? Feels like I'm playing hide and seek with God.

February 11, 2011
Made it to the Starrette homestead for a miniature retreat. Turns out I'm the only person here today. Looking forward to being silent. My intentions for today are to release my negativity and receive guidance. Let go. I have no plans except to listen.  

It is now March and I've made minimal progress. Apparently, meditation practice takes practice. 

I do believe that it's all about finding what works for you. There are so many techniques, tips and tricks out there that would alone make my head explode. The first step for me is to get quiet, rather, find time to get quiet. For me, that means waking up early and having those few moments alone.

What do I hope to get from this?
I want a connection to the still small voice. Some people call it intuition, your gut, your soul’s voice.  All I know is that my head cannot be making all the decisions. What swims up there is not meant for real life. It’s a bad neighborhood. No one should go there alone.

The still small voice is the machete that hacks through the tangled jungle of my thoughts. It’s the lighted pathway that shows me where I should go next. It’s the feeling that tells me, “this is right, go with it” or “this is very wrong.”  It’s my parental guidance and I need that.

Life throws curveballs all the time and I am constantly bombarded with the social pressures of what I “should” be doing. The still small voice is my answer to all that.  

My next post discusses the latest decision I made to pursue my happiness. It wasn’t an easy one. Let’s just say I’m headed down the path less taken. Grab your machetes- it’s going to be an adventure!