As a child, I would daydream of who and what I was going to be when I grew up. I was going to be a princess, the first female President, an astronaut, a TV star. I dreamt about a life filled with celebrity and spokesperson deals. In high school, I was sure I wanted to be a lawyer, the ones that TV dramas were made of. Fast forward to college and I wanted to be a psychologist. A year later, I became starstruck with the hip, twinkling allure of the advertising agency which I pursued for quite some time.
I was always chasing something, looking for the BBD or, the bigger, better deal. I was sure it was waiting at the end of some dark and distant hallway, the reward at the end of a very long road paved with ambition and stick-to-it-iveness. If I could just keep going, keep pushing.
Then, something funny happened to me.
Instead of searching out, chasing yet another mechanical rabbit around an endless track, I turned my focus inward. I stopped running toward bright, shiny objects and began asking myself some very important questions.
What is it that I like to do? What am I really passionate about? If I could be doing anything in this world, what would that be? What is my soul's longing? What makes me happy?
For the longest time, I didn't know. What an uncomfortable feeling. To me, it was not okay to not know. I felt like everyone knew their path but me (a gross distortion of reality, by the way). I was falling behind in this phantom race. I needed to find out quick or else!
Still, I sat with those questions, for years I sat with those questions. Then, I began learning to live the answers. I relaxed a bit, took it easy, stopped being so hard on myself. I became comfortable with trying and failing, trying and not liking, putting myself out there. I learned that it's okay to not know. It occurred to me that there is no grand timetable with milestones like sales goals that tallies my score in life.
Thirty one years into this lovely journey of mine, I have finally stumbled upon the real meat and potatoes of this whole thing. It's the journey.
Cliches be damned, but I'm beginning to mildly understand this whole "journey" business. Call me a slow learner, a late bloomer or what have you...I'm enjoying the journey. Are you?